Defined by a Mirror

Looking at my reflection isn't always satisfying. I could push and pick at my body hoping it would mold into something beaufiul, but it would just stay the same. I was finding that it wasn't easy to be a perfect beautiful teenager along with looking like everybody else. This world is continuously bombarding us with lies of who wer're supposed to be and how we need to look to fit in . I had a constant battle with these lies but I came to find that God was the only one who could turuthfully define us and to him we are all beautiful.
In the days of my feud against the mirror's lies I would wake up in the morning and head straight to the shower. I thought of it as an easy rememdy for my extremely frizzy morning hair. When out of the shower I would spend hours looking into the mirror hoping to cover up the childish freckles and teenage zits on my face. I usually had no luck and ended up looking like a ghost instead. I didn't eat breakfast on account of I thought keeping away from food would help me lose my giant man thighs. I had a feeling that God wasn't approving of my attitude towards myself, but I continued.
School was a big deal for me. It was where I put the mirror's lies to test. After all it was fitting in at school that made me want to destroy my unique image. All day constant thoughts of how freakishly weird I must look compared to others ran through my head. I didn't have all the cool clothes that were in style, so I just tried to pull it off in jeans and a T-shirt. Almost every class period I would ask to use the bathroom so I could go check to see if I still at least looked human, and every time I would look into the mirror I'd wish I could look like my friends. They were beautiful, popular, and everyone liked them.
The obsession with trying to fit in became my main thought. For all I knew I looked like a domesticated chimpanzee at school. After my tiring day at eductaion palace, a.k.a. school, I would go home and flip through magazines searching for a way to hide my hideousness under the trends of the world. Although I didn't end up looking like Barbie I did manage a spitting image of her dog. When evening mealtime came I would tell my parental units that I had a mound of homework as big as Eiffel Tower so I could keep operation "loose my man thighs" in tact. Nobody wants a girl with blubbering whale thighs in their school I thought. God didn't think I had blubbering whale thighs. He attempted to tell me how beautiful I was to him, but of course I didn't listen.
At that point in my life my self esteem couldn't have been higher than a 2 on a scale of 100, and since I wasn't happy with myself I would change styles every few months trying to find one that I thought would improve my image. I started with a ditzy cheerleader type, that seemed to be what guys were into. This time I actually suceeded in being like Barbie. Sadly it was more like Barbie on crack and I made a complete fool of myself. Then I went to skater punk. Let's just say I ended up looking like a white gangster wannabe. So not only was I out of style, blessed with man thighs, and hungry a lot, but I was now a good example of a schizophrenic.
I decided to think over all my actions and note my improvements to get my mind off my failures, and to show God that my techniques were working so he wouldn't have to be ashamed of me anymore. The funny thing was the more I thought the less improvement I saw. Not eating didn't get me normal sized thighs, it got me hungry. Not to mention my many attmeps with cosmetics didn't get me beautiful, it got me a huge bill from Wal-Mart, and my style changes just got me considered fake and confused about who I truly was. Maybe God was right I thought? Who I was did not come from a mirror or magazine. It came from God. He really does think I'm beautiful, and my techniques certainly weren't healthy. Letting that mirror define me just made me someone I was not. I was made in the image of God and my unhealthy diet and constant obsession with the mirror was destroying that image.
If you think about it the world is just a big heap of manure, and the more we conform to it the more we'll look like it. That's what I did. I wanted so badly to be like everyone else that I conformed to the world, but God showed me that by being a Christian I was different. I'm happy with who I am and how I look. God would rather me dress in clothes that fit, and to try and be modest with my body. It definately isn't in style, and I probably won't be considered cool wearing clothes like that, but I can confidently say that God's opinion is much more important now.
Being a Christian brings me a lot more morals than most people. Now I can gladly say that dressing modestly is one of them. God made me exactly who he wanted and that makes me beautiful along with all the other people in the world. Even with my huge blubbering whale thighs, I can feel good about myself because they are just another unique feature of my design. Now when I face the mirror I can look and see more than just me I see the beauty of my creator and that's a perfect sight to see.

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewlery, or beautiful clothes. You should be know for the beatuy that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
1 Peter 3:3-4

You know a lot of people ask me what it's like to be a Christian in high school. usually I give them an answer they don't really want to hear. Not because I say it's horrible or I don't like it, but because I tell them the truth. Most people expect me to answer the question of, "Whats it like to wear the Christian image at high school?" I serve God with all my heart 100%. He comes before friends, sports, school, family, money, and all the other idols of the world. Nobody wants to hear all the work and sacrifice it takes to be a Christian in high school, they just want to hear what they can get out of it to please themselves. Sure everybody loves the kids that walk around with Jesus loves you T-shirts on, but they have a problem with the kids that walk around with bibles, or wear clothes that actually fit. Why is it that the Christians that live the Christian lifestyle sit at home on Friday nights while the ones with the Jesus loves you T-shirts go out and party? Why are the true servants not cool, but the ones that wear the images are?

I'm definately not a popular girl in high school but I can tell you right now that if being popular means I have to act and be like the popular kids in my school then I would never in a million years want that title. To me I see high school as a big test of my faith. Now faith is something that I was extremely blessed with so I have no problem being different. One of the things I really get harassed for is my stand for purity. I don't date or get involved in that little try and win my heart game. My heart is not a prize for a boy to win, but a symbol of my affection towards my God. I wear a purity ring on my wedding finger that says, "True Love Waits", and one of my old guy friends that I had before I became a Christian asked if he could see it. I of course let him see it and I noticed that he studied it over and over trying to find a way to make it say something different, and when he finally realized it didn't he looked up disgusted at me and said, "why would you wear something like that?" I began to explain my stand for Jesus and purity, but him and his friend immediately began to laugh at me. I of course didn't really feel to wonderful for my stand after that, but I began to seek God and purity even more, determined to overcome the rejection. Later that month I again had the chance to share my faith with my friend. This time he actually listened to me, he even smiled at me for a little bit.
So life as a Christian in high school is just filled with challenges. You just have to be ready and be faithful to God. Expect to be persecuted for living the way you do because not everyone will think it's cool right away, and when they don't it just gives you the opportunity to make it cool. That's something the Christian images don't have. You have to be ready, and back yourself up with scripture though. You know those long nights when you sit at home alone and rejected, use if for God's glory and read your bible. Get closer to him so that he can get closer to the world.

You know all those fakers with the cool Jesus loves you T-shirts are just a bunch of so called "cool" kids advertising a false lifestyle. So people see a person with a Jesus loves you shirt out getting drunk or making out in the halls they are surely gonna think, "hey this Jesus guy sounds pretty cool." Yeah he is cool, but not for those reasons. So they are going to start wearing this image and playing this part just because of that T-shirt?! YES! If you understand the teen generation at all that will definately be what happens. What they are missing now is the best part about being a Christian and that's an awesome relationship with the one and only Jesus Christ! People don't see the love of Jesus through a T-shirt, they see it through the person wearing it, and if that person is doing things that aren't so Christian well then they are going to lead that person astray. People are constantly being introduced to a false image of our amazing God, and when they talk to or see a true servant they think, "well hey, you don't have to go to church, or live a life totally commited to God to be a Christian. I mean Johnny goes out and parties and he's a Christian. This girl is just a weirdo!" So there ya have it. We went from Christians to weirdos just like that while all the "Jesus Loves You" T-shirt people are prancing around in popularity showing a false lifestyle.
I have a Christian friend who "wears the image". She talks to me about God when we're alone, but then she lives the "popularity lifestyle" at school. I have people come up to me and tell me all the time that my "so called friends" are always talking about how weird I am for living the way I do behind my back. It hurts me sure, but not because they think I'm weird, its because I know they are struggling with the "popularity lifestyle". I am seriuously spending more and more time alone because people don't like hanging out with a true Christian. They don't like to be around someone who brings conviction to them for their sin. They don't want to fully give their life to God, they just want enough to satisfy them without losing anything.
So being a Christian in high school is way different then most people would expect. I mean, would you have enough faith to turn down drugs, alcohol, sex, and the whole "popularity lifestyle"? Would you be able to pray over someone in front of your whole class, or give up relationships you know are pulling you down? I've realized through my walk with God that I am a very blessed child to be put up to all these challenges. I wake up in the morning expecting a challenge and am constantly in the word preparing myself for it. Each day I come back stronger and stronger. Not to mention the encouragement that I've given to other people. We may feel useless at school, but everyday at least one person is effected by your lifestyle. I have people come up to me all the time to ask me to pray or just comfort them. Usually they are from the "popular lifestyle" goup and have realized that what they are doing will never complete them. I have chances to share Jesus everyday!
Even though I do have a lot of faith and am strong in Christ I do struggle. I can't lie and tell you I've never had problems because that's not true. Often I feel alone, scared, and depressed. I don't really have many people to talk to about my struggles because I have a horrible problem with trust. I can't trust people when I tell them stuff so I just dont, and when someone does get me to tell them something I always feel bad that I told later. I feel like I am taken advantage of a lot. Like people come to me when they need something or just want comfort, but God helped me to see that a lot of the time thats what we do to him. We use him as a big teddy bear and then throw him in the closet when things get all better. So God is always there when I feel alone and am struggling, but now I can say that i'm always here when he wants me too.
Now that you have a glimpse of what the life of a Christian in high school is like. I pray that you will reach out to teens and help them not to "wear the image" but to live the life. Parents if you have a Christian teen at home, or youth pastors, you should constantly check up on your kids. It's harder than you may think and most people try to hide their feelings about it. Our teen generation is in crisis and we need to realize that just because someone wears a Christian image doesn't mean they are living for God. We need to reach out to our teens and save them from this false lifestyle that is so popular in todays society. As for the Christian teens reading this, let your light shine! Dare to be different, and I pray that God will bless you as much as he did me.

"Don't let the excitement of your youth cause you to forget your creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and no long enjoy living."
Ecclesiastes 12:1

"I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."
Song of Songs 8:4