"Under a Mask of Perfection"

There are times when life seems unbearable, and there are times when life seems worth living. Both situations come and go between us all. So why does it seem that there are those who walk among us that never see life as "unbearable"? We often get the the mindset that there are people with "perfect" lives. People who are wealthy, people who are famous, people who have a strong religion, people who are popular, and people who are good looking or good at sports. They seem to have it all, but what we don't realize is that most of the time these people are the ones that are hurting the most. Everybody feels pain, some people feel it in different ways, some people recieve it in different ways, and some people deal with it in different ways. It may seem as though there are the kids in your school or the people at your work who "have it all", but the truth is, often times these are just people who hide their brokeness under a "mask of perfection".
After I was saved my life became total Jesus everything. Of course I didn't know how to be a Christian then, but I enthusiastically began to seek the face of the Lord anyways. Jesus saved me from a lot on November 11, 2004 as I lay at that altar with my hands gripping tightly around my broken heart. In fact he saved me from my very own life. Every inch of my body was infested with emotional and physical pain. I looked to Jesus to save me that day. I cried out to him with everything I had and welcomed a healing into my heart. Although I did feel like Jesus took my pain way I secrety left the remains of it hidden beneath my new life. I offered my broken heart to Jesus, handing him the peices one by one, but I kept a couple of those peices tucked away. I simply put Jesus on top of my pain instead of allowing him to take it all away.
So I'm living a life dedicated to Jesus, but I still feel that pain beneath my salvation. At first I wasn't sure what it was so I just pretended it wasn't there.
I always thought to myself, "Why do I feel like this? I have a wonderful savior and I'm doing the best I can to follow him. Jesus, I thought you said I would be new? I thought you said I wouldn't have to feel this anymore?"
I was hurt, but I continued to live for him learning all I could about him and sharing him with everyone I knew. Everytime the pain from my past tried to creep up on me I would cover it up again. Over and over this took place. Untill finally my past started to eat me from the inside out. The pain was bubbling back to the surface, yet somehow I still managed to hide it under my mask of Christianity. I just kept trying to live for Jesus, refusing to be honest with anybody. I wasn't even honest with God. I assured him I was fine over and over as he tried to lay his healing hand on my layer of brokeness. Each time I would feel him or someone else reach in and attempt to reveal that secret layer of my life I would nervously cover it back up. I tried really hard to make sure that nobody saw my struggle. I was "Super Christian". People look to me for help. I can't be feeling like this, I can't be struggling like I am. My hidden past was swollowing my sincere relationship with God and replacing it with my "mask of perfection".
I finally realized that I was in trouble, and I needed God. I needed to allow Jesus to take ALL the pain away. I can't expect him to fix my broken heart if I hide the peices from him. So I let him in and as he reached down and laid his gentle hand upon my face he slowly started to peel away that mask, revealing my bruised and numb identity. I immediately began crying out to him, but as soon as he reached for that layer I began to flinch and turn away. Over and over he tried until finally he managed to peel away that layer of brokeness with his love and compassion. Instantly I felt revival. Jesus turned my black roses red with just the sound of his voice. As he held me that night I witnessed him create beauty from pain in my life.
So here I am today still being healed. Although you may think this happened way earlier in my walk with God, your wrong. This happened within 2-3 days ago. How I managed to hide my layer of pain for so long I do not honestly know. If I would have just given all the pieces of my heart to Jesus the day he asked for them my relationship with him wouldn't have become a mask to hide my broken layer. Jeremiah 30:17 says, "I will give you back your health and heal all your wounds, says the Lord." Jesus WANTS to heal us, but he won't MAKE us be healed. I ran from him for a whole year, but he was patient with me. He helped me to trust him with that "untouchable layer" in my life. He didn't force me to let him in, he just let me know he was willing to COME in. God works through love, God is love. His love is what brought beauty from my pain that night. Jesus set me free from the secret life I was enslaved to. All that pain, and all those secrets are becoming testimonies now, which I will use for the glory of God. So if your struggling from pain.......pain thats eating you alive, pain that you've been running from, or pain your just refusing to acknowledge let Jesus heal you. He WANTS to heal you, he LOVES you. Be honest with him and with everyone else and take off your "mask of perfection". Don't hide your pain, especially not from God. What good does it do to try and hide something from the all knowing God? Don't be fooled by people who look as though they never hurt. Everybody hurts, everybody has felt pain, and God is perfectly able to heal them from that pain. God loves and cares for his children. It hurts him to see us broken, but it hurts him even worse to see us running away from his love wearing that mask...........looking back at him trying to cover ourselves up with "perfection".